Creatures

 

 The best animals in the world besides the Abominable Snowman is a fucking dog

at least every dog, besides a god damn poodle….those fuckers look more like a shag carpet that’s been thrown in the fireplace, because some dumb bastard spilled coffee on it

I walked into someones house who had a poodle, and the thing looked like this fucking nightmare   after the holocaust,

 it was shedding like an 11 foot 4 inch bison out in the wild. I was ready to beat it with a bat…….but the owner paralyzed me with a stun gun, right when I was about to connect for a grand slam

I woke up to the fucking thing gnawing and chewing on it’s back for eight and a half minutes like it was looking for the Holy Grail in it’s satanic body…and it’s tongue was lashing around it’s paws cleaning itself like an elephant giving himself a handjob. Then it just walked out of the room…… because dog’s are more oblivious than a mime in a  Cannibal Corpse mosh pit

The name could be Charlie, so you say “Hey shit crease come here” what will the fucking swamp donkey do? wag his tail, pant like a whore and walk over to you ready to lick you….. after he just gave himself a blowjob licking on his testicles, something they call “bathing”

The only thing wrong with dog’s, is they don’t live as long as cats

With a cat you could beat it with a pogo stick, light it on fire with hairspray used as a flame thrower, throw it down 9 flights of stairs and strangle it with twine…

In the end, the bastard walks away with a limp, like a fucking cyborg after you threw Napalm at it ….while you have blood stains and scratches the size of the Grand Canyon imbedded in your skull….and your penis is detached from your body.

Now you look like a hostage in a Tibetan prison, ready to start chemical warfare with your god damn cat