The week days just seem to drag on and on –just like the many lectures and arguments I’ve had in life …of course when your on vacation it doesn’t drag…
You go to Disneyland to see the sights, next thing you know your back at the office holding a coffee cup with goofy on the front…and your thinking to yourself “when in the fuck did the plane land???? and why in the hell am I wearing mickey Mouse underoos for christ sakes”……
Going traveling for vacation is fun…I love it more than heading to Wal-Mart watching Spider Man make an ass out of himself promoting his new movie and scaring the be-jesus out of innocent little children…
The only bad part is the eight hour plane trip, when really….Denver to Utah is only a fucking hour and a half !!
Coach is the best,but only if your hiked up on LSD before hand…you have to deal with so much shit and annoyances–it would be like living with Danny Bonaduce in a studio apartment while he’s on a 17 year coke binge!!
You get your ticket from chewbacca at the counter where the meth lab just ignited and smokes pouring out into the lobby like a Cheech and Chong movie night at the local frat house….”Fuk Bong Chi”
Each terminal is on the other side of pluto, you need to walk outside the seventh circle of hell where the taxi cabs are …and ask Hasish Onishker why the fuck he’s got a grilled cheese sandwich hanging from his turban…..also to take you to terminal B where the fucking plane is —
The next thing you know you end up on the back of a camel on a hollywood sound stage filming the sequel to Lawrence of Arabia
Once your on the plane you have to pass Bill Gates laughing at you, while he’s got a twelve course meal in front of him and a bottle of dom perigon ….while your passing the armored wall of steel that separates coach from first class–your thinking to yourself “why the fuck didn’t I eat half the grilled cheese sandwich hanging from saddam’s forehead”
Coach is real fucking exciting…it’s like a fifth grade cafeteria disaster!!
You have to hurdle your way through some fucking fat bitch who’s stuffing a “under the belly only” bag into the cubicle above her….moaning like a sick elephant in the process of giving birth….Then you have to step over the oompa loompa who’s trying to ram his wizard of oz costume into the seat beneath him…it’s like a fucking double dare obstacle course!!
You finally get to your seat where supposedly it’s a “window seat”–in reality your staring at a 1942 bomber jet wing that’s ready to snap off– as soon as Lloyd, the homosexual flight attendant asshole hits the switch on the arctic air machine above your head they call fresh air…. little do the passengers know it’s the air being re-circulated from the Tai Chi whore house off the coast of the bering sea
Once you grab a magazine from in front of you….Carrot Top decides to recline his seat back…crushing your arm into your nuts, making them more black and blue than a pair of midgets wrestling Stone Cold and the Rock in a tag team match…
By this time the Kamikaze pilot turns on the mic loud enough to shatter Axl Rose’s ear drums in seat 312 A in front of you …and starts talking about our descent into the Arabian sea at mach 10 because he hates every fucking American on the planet!!!
We take off down the audobon at speeds superman couldn’t even reach….listening to the sounds of gunshots,cussing and ghastly screams up in the cock-pit
We finally get to our destination which is actually the Colombian Rainforests, then you have to wait about 27 hours until the cess pool of filth worm there way out of hell…
The best thing to do now is take a sip of vodka from your Donald Duck mug and relive the great memories and hope vacation time comes quickly….