I love helping other people move…especially when they don’t help

When your heisting a fridge on your back, while 4 other sick fucks are standing around talking…like it’s a fucking movie theater, it makes you want to throw a torch at them and then laugh like a hyena on meth..while there running around looking for a hose to spray the fucking flames off of themselves 

When you open the back of the 3,000 yard U-Haul truck, that you drove from Siberia to the back woods of Kentucky to start a new life….among the warlocks that jump from tree branch to tree branch swan diving into mud bogs while making high pitched squeeling sounds for no fucking logical reason at all… like a coincedence everyone decides they have to go to the bathroom and drop the children off at the pool

“Hey, don’t worry about me assbag….I’ll handle the whole fucking truck by myself while your in there circle jerking to the god damn toilet scrubber.”

Also , don’t hand me shit to take and put away when your just as fucking capable… Stephen Hawking!!!

                             I’m not going to carry an 8 thousand ton desk up 12 flights of stairs without taking a rest…when I’m sweating and grunting like a boar that just got circumcised, that means put the god damn desk down for a few seconds… Hercules 

This isn’t the fucking Olympics…the first dickwad to carry 20,000 tons of shit up and down stairs wins a Nsync poster…it is fucking pointless, just like watching movies starring Lindsay Lohan

when I’m about to bust a blood vessel in my neck and my face is redder than Santa Clause’s fat ass …then it’s time to take a moment of relaxation…ass napkin

Because pretty soon I’ll go nuts…like Nicholson in the Shining

to top it off the antique dresser from 1634 b.c that I heisted on my back ripped a hole in my throat and caused me to tumble down the stairs like a stunt man on LSD…. as I lay here in critical condition with my penis snapped off…I want to thank you for letting me move every fucking thing imaginable…I hope to see you in hell…


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