Have you ever been to a bonfire with a bunch of fucking drunk lunatics…..that are more plastered than Jenna Jameson
Let me tell you why I would rather chew on a box of razorblades then go back…….
The one I went to was held in the middle of a fucking field in the woods ……that looks like where texas chainsaw massacre was filmed…
Apparently the fun for the evening….besides poking the passed out fat fuck with a branch, by the multitude of dixie cups and the keg that was more watered down than a bottle of o’douls……
was to search for animals and scare them…… like Rosie o’donnell showing up unnanounced eating the cake out of the fridge at little henry’s birthday party
……..It was a bloody fucking mess after the swat team rifled her down…..and henry will never have another fucking birthday bash ever again!
Apparently these animals must have escaped from the zoo as a protest of “not enough pay” started by willy the chimp because after scratching his ass every minute and whacking himself off in front of the asians for attention…..they just seem to yawn and roll over to the lion’s cage to watch them lick there nuts…..
how the fuck can you tell me that a cow is going to somehow come across a pack of kids who are drinking like it’s spring break, chanting lines from the blair witch project and have a huge fucking fire that no one can see…… even though the smoke is billowing as high as a volcanic eruption.
No animal is that stupid to become the victim……. and if they don’t just wander over there…..the best thing to do is grab 3 0r 4 trashed motherfuckers lead by Jake the high school quarterback and Tommy the tight end…….. and get on up in your white trash ford truck and search for them…..
Just start plowing over animals….”There’s a fucking Peacock randy get im”……What’s that over there…is that a gazelle”………..”Look over behind the fallen down tree it’s a god damn Panda….step on it herb.”
They were stupid enough to tie a rope to the animals legs…. and drag them behind the truck back to the fucking drunkfest….In the meantime everyone is so shit faced, they don’t realize the animals are not dead.
Once they cut the rope from the fucking irate hippo that was just dragged through mud pit’s and weeds, while smelling exhaust from the muffler….it’s going to buck like a castrated mule…..then it’s going to stomp, cut, tear, shred, kick, ram and bash everyone to fucking pieces……
when the local high school science class has there next field trip….to determine what type of fucking habitat thrives in the weeds…..
shredded up human flesh isn’t going to be on the pop quiz next week…..
Next time someone invites you to a “Bonfire”……. bring a god damn shotgun and shoot it directly into your chest…..