I love shaving every single god damn day of my life, I have always thought that the more fucking blades to cut your throat open… the better

I suppose buying the walmart special–500 razors for $.85 cents was a worse mistake than people voting for Taylor Hicks on American Idol 

Don’t buy into the fucking scam!!!!

The blades are duller than Clay Aiken’s sex life (I’ll be glad when that red headed ass puppet is dead…but for now he is a great homosexual to write shit about…and treat him like pie filling)

My hair grows thicker than a rabid werewolf. I shave at night, then by morning I can expect to see a sasquatch looking back at me in the mirror. I look like a cocker spaniel hashed up on hormone pills….I have to use about 36 and a half bottles of shave cream….when that’s all fucking gone , I sift through the god damn refrigerator for the last tubs of whip cream.


When I was younger I wanted to shave with a machete, I wanted facial hair like a fucking grizzly bear…but times have changed–just like Bush’s approval rating sinking lower than the Titanic

All I want to do is pour a vat of acid on my skin and dissolve it…if I use a helicopter blade to shave with…I still see my 5 o’clock shadow fistfighting my neck. which in turn leads me to grab an axe and start chopping away parts of my body, until my penis is the only thing left…..then they can just preserve it for the masses of people to look at in the Smithsonian

But that will never happen, because my penis is as large as Papa Smurf’s— so I guess the best thing to do is light the match….




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