All in all I’d say to hell with haircuts now a days

 I went about 3 years ago…. and this bitch, who must have been toking up some pretty hard shit right before she cut my fucking hair……shaved my head bald……when all I told her was to trim the sides and back, make it look like Yanni on crack!!

 So there she went stumbling to the toolshed, to grab a fucking chainsaw

 Next thing I know I’m paying 80 bucks at the cashier..and I’m holding scalp grease “To soften my skull”….. so the hair could grow back like a rabid ape!!!

 After I got home and put a fucking turban on my head, so the god damn crows wouldn’t swan dive and  have a shit picnic on my forehead. I googled scalp grease and found out the fucking scientist from Ecuador  use it every week to jerk off a  pack of Koala Bear’s that live in wild …. so they are not aggressive toward the god damn chimps during there heat cycle… 

After I vomited in my mouth, I went into my sister’s cabinet and clipped off the noxzema wrapper and taped it on to the scalp grease bottle, I was hoping her skin would look beautiful in a matter of days.

Unfortunately, she started growing a mullet, her teeth started to decay and she can’t talk anymore…she just mumbles sentences to the palm of her god damn hand all day. But don’t worry too much …… she has been doing fucking phenomenal ever since we enrolled her into the Special Olympics.

 I think next time I go back to get a shitjob done on my hair , which should be when my hair start’s growing back like a fucking chia pet, then the “Barber on Meth” could just use the god damn garden shears instead of a chainsaw. I’ll ask her if I could look like like “Seargent Bad Ass” from the fifth infantry green beret division, maybe then I’ll walk out of there looking like Jesus 




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