Here is a farewell speech that is sure to be the hit at any going away Dui class party!!!!!
I’ve learned alot in this class, but I think the one thing I’ve cherished the most is that the people in here are more fucked up than a satanic cult.
We’ll start with the blond whore in the corner who’s more hiked up on L.S.D than the people of Amsterdam, she slurs her words like she’s in the middle of giving head to a midget with a rank dick in a bathroom urinal.
Then we have this bitch sitting next to me, who not only reeks worse than the fucking plague, but is entranced in zombie land. Her fucking methadone prescription takes her out of reality and into a god damn coma 24 hours a day.
Let’s not forget Socrates, the fucking poet who churns out as many 50 cent words as possible, not even the fucking Egyptians can decipher the shit that pours out of this assholes mouth. He either strives for attention from any dumb bastard that will listen, or he enjoys giving me and the rest of these lowlifes in this class a fucking migraine headache. By the end of the two hours, I’m ready to commit suicide.
I’d like to say a few words about my friend down there who came here illegally. Not only can you speak a fucking lick of english, when you come to my country and pretend your a citizen,while I pay taxes just so you can live here. Here’s the story pal……I already called I.N.S, they’ll be waiting for you at your house with your wife and twelve kids held at gunpoint, so you better bow down to me Miguel….and thank your lucky stars you ain’t fucking dead.
Not only do I have a soft spot in my heart for this beautiful young lady, but she gave me hope and determination to learn not to be a fucking hypocrite like herself. My friend Danni is also a bag full of emotional issues. She always made me laugh when she cried on cue, she always had a fucking sob story that not even Dr. Phil would give a shit about….So let’s raise a glass to Danni…my friend,who’s more bloated than a washed up sea creature. you always shedded more tears than O.J getting ass raped in prison. Thank you and god bless……
Last but not least, our crack addict teacher, Mark……who snorts more lines of coke than Johnny Depp in Blow. Not only did you gain my trust for pretending to care about me and my alcohol addiction…but you also bored the living shit out of me with your monotone voice that was drilled into my head like a fucking jackhammer. No wonder I drink….and I will continue to drink until I fucking die.. I didn’t need to take a gajillion fucking classes to realize I have a problem…being here with you all of you fagets causes me to drink.
So, thank you to all, I’m glad I’m done….now I can cancel my plans of jumping off the nearest fucking cliff.